A Plea and a Prayer: No More

Leelah Alcorn. A bright young lady, only a few months younger than me. She ended her life recently, because she was shown no love, no acceptance, and felt as though the world would never have any hope in it for her, as she was.

Jamey Rodemeyer. 14 years of age.

Jacob Rogers. 18 years of age.

Seth Walsh. 13 years of age.

Asher Brown. 13 years of age.

Eden Wormer. 14 years of age.

And so many more, over the years and through the ages. Gone too soon. They took their own lives, driven to suicide by hatred, by neglect and feeling as though they would never fit in.

Suicide is on the rise because the more time that  passes, the more one realises that love and acceptance are becoming rarer and rarer in society. Bullies run rampant. The 'mongers' - the mongers of hate, and war, and fear - roam the streets and the cyberworld, waiting. Waiting to strike and then disappear, anonymous and uncaring.

Why? Why do we sacrifice souls of beauty, people of worth? And we do. We do sacrifice them. We sacrifice living beings with hearts and emotion, solely for our own agendas - or our own fear of taking a stand, taking their hand, and protecting them whatever the costs. We betray them to the abyss of agony, in an act of self-preservation.

We allow men, women, and children to die - because we are afraid. Afraid to love unconditionally, afraid to accept them, flaws and all. Afraid to get too close.

Because if we had let them get too close, what if they had dragged us down with them? What if their dirt and grime had brushed off on us and turned us - horror of horrors - into them? We could not allow ourselves to get close enough for that to happen... to have their dirt and grime mingle with the dirt and grime we ourselves already carry.

Don't you see? Can't you understand?

It was not only their hand that brought them to the next life. We - the fellow humans, the fellow souls - played our own parts. We did nothing to stop it. In some cases, we may have even caused it to happen.

This needs to stop.

We need to learn to love, to care, to feel. Apathetic is a pathetic way to be, and yet many who do not actively try to hurt others make it no better with their apathy.

Imagine a world where love reigned - a perfect ideal, where love replaced all pain, no exceptions. There would be no war; there would be no bullying; there would be no murders. Because everyone would love one another, and by extension want the best for every person they came across.

How many more innocents must die before we as a species realise that as long as hate, bigotry, fear, and superiority rule, there will be no peace? No hope for a gentle-minded world, no hope for the rescue of our children from depression, bullying, and anxiety.

How many more times will the Leelahs and Seths and Edens of this world have to die by their hands - and by extension our own - before we begin to change?

How many beautiful souls must we lose before it all becomes clear and we begin to hold them dear?

Please.

No more.

No more of this. No more pain, no more neglect, no more attacks hidden behind veils of sweetness-tinged judgement.

No more suicides, brought on by feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.

No more deaths. Please, God, I beg you, no more. No more executions by the barrage of stones from the falsely righteous, justified by cries of 'sinner, foul sinner!'. No more worn and weary hearts pleading for Death to take them away from the day-to-day struggles of abandonment, cruelty, and unbelonging. No more light-filled souls shattered into shards of darkness.

No more, my God, I beseech thee.

No more.

Please... no more.

My 1800s-Style Dress Makes Me A Christian

That title sounds so ridiculous... bear with me here.

According to many, many people, your clothing and the way you wear your hair is what you believe. If you're a Christian, you have to be sharply dressed and completely covered at all times. If you're an atheist, you have tattoos all over your arms and wear lots of black. Basically, the clothing worn by men and women in, say, the 1800s was about as chaste and godly as one could get.

Didn't you know that in the Bible it says that if you wear formal clothes all the time, you're a Christian?

Oh wait...

Yeah, that isn't actually in the Bible. Sorry about that.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God...

~ John 1:12

"To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name"... they became children of God. There are also numerous passages that say 'you must be born again'.

I could list many verses, but I'm willing to bet that most of my readers have 'what makes a Christian a Christian' verses memorised. If not, feel free to let me know in the comments and I'll provide some verses.

Nothing in the Bible says that what a person wears is what makes them a Christian.

I'm going to post quite a few photographs here now, of myself. They're being put here to make a point, so please bear with it. I don't typically like uploading more than one or two photos of myself in a blog post, but this time, it has a meaning. 

So, I look quite different in all of those photographs, yeah? Sometimes I'm wearing a skirt and a shirt, sometimes I'm wearing black leather and a beanie, sometimes I'm wearing a bandanna on my head and a cross pendant around my neck, sometimes I'm dressed like a pirate.

There is something that these outfits don't change. Do you know what that is?

Who I am on the inside doesn't change because I'm wearing something different. I am a Christian when I'm wearing a skirt and chilling out with Boba Fett. I'm a Christian when I'm masquerading as a pirate. I'm a Christian when I'm dressed all in black. I'm a Christian when I'm dressed as a necktie-and-trench-coat-wearing, blue-eyed angel. 

Why? Because my heart doesn't change when my outfit or my hairstyle does. 

I'm still me, regardless of what I'm wearing. Maybe the clothes I wear give me a boost of confidence, or make me feel less vulnerable. But overall, I am still the same person I was before I donned the fedora and the wrist bandannas.

Several people on Facebook a few weeks ago saw a photograph of two young men who were wearing grungey-looking clothing and had their hair styled into these fabulously crazy mohawks. Someone argued that there was no way they could be Christians, even after two others kept trying to explain to them that these two guys actually went to a church in their town quite often.

Every few days, I see people insisting that a person can't be a Christian because of the way they dress, or that a person must be an atheist because of the way they look.

It doesn't work like that anymore, guys. A modestly-dressed woman in a dress could just as much be an atheist, as the guy with the mohawk and tattoos could be a Christian. 

Stereotypes don't exist anymore. 

Christians are supposed to be sweet, kind, gentle, and loving people who never get in trouble. And yet I know quite a few very ugly-hearted, self-professed 'Christians' who love to cause trouble and hurt others. 

Atheists are supposed to be harsh and closed-minded, and yet I've met some quite well-mannered and often open-minded atheists in my time.

People of the LGBTQ community are made out to be rude, perverted, and disgusting monsters who have no manners. And yet, I have met and am close friends with young men and women who identify as gay or bi, and they are possibly some of the kindest, gentlest, and most polite people I've ever met. (Bonus stereotype - folks in the LGBTQ community are 'unable to be Christians', and yet 95% of the ones I know are, in fact, Christians.)

Stereotypes have been shattered, guys. Things aren't as clean-cut as you want to think. The heart is what matters to God. Not the clothing, not the hair; nothing like that. The tattoos, the mohawks, the leather... it's not what makes the person a Christian. It's their heart and soul that does.

Sometimes I want to chop all my hair off, and dye it in a vivid shade of green, or perhaps lavender, or maybe a mixture of orange and yellow and red. I want to style it into a mohawk, and wear bandannas on my wrists. I want to wear jackets and hats and jewelry of all kinds, and draw people and scrawl quotes onto my arms with ink pens. 

I would still be a Christian.

Sometimes I want to dye my hair in the colours of the rainbow and style it in an intricate braid, and wear a t-shirt proclaiming my stand for human rights boldly on the front.

I would still be a Christian.

Sometimes I want to don a leather jacket and jeans, pack a duffel bag, and run away from home to learn how to ride a motorcycle, and spend evenings riding towards the setting sun. I want to just keep riding and keep running and not stop til I find that elusive place that feels like a haven.

I would still be a Christian.

Sometimes I want to climb onto the rooftops of buildings wearing a pair of angel wings, white jeans, and an Irish sweater, and sit there with the sun against my face, smiling at anyone that walks past encouraging them or complimenting them.

I would still be a Christian.

Sometimes I want to get dressed up in a green-and-gold floor-length dress with a tulle skirt, blare Celtic reels out in the woods, and dance and sing without anyone there to laugh at me.

I would still be a Christian.

None of my hairstyles or outfits or even lifestyle choices can take away from me what God has given me - His love, His grace, and His forgiveness. I could dress in all black grunge-style clothing, get a lip piercing, cover my arms in tattoos, and style my hair into a purple mohawk... and I would still be His daughter. Perhaps I wouldn't be making the best of decisions in my style choices - but I would be breaking no laws and I would not automatically become an atheist.

I am me. Nothing I wear will change that.

And just because someone doesn't dress neatly and by your standards of modesty does not mean they can't be a Christian. Because what matters most is their heart... and even if you claim to be able to, you cannot see a person's heart as well as God can.

God bless,

Theodora Ashcraft

Why "I'll Pray For You" Doesn't Help

"I just feel so lost. I want to die, but at the same time, I just want to live."

"Ohh. I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you. Here, read these Bible verses."

That is the sort of conversation I've had many times. I'm in a dark place, and when I admit it to someone, their only words of comfort are 'I'll pray for you', and a few Bible verses copied-and-pasted from a Bible app or from Google.

As a person who has been and still is from time to time in that dark place where life seems meaningless, I feel qualified to speak about the "I'll pray for you" line and why it's rarely any help to a depressed or suicidal individual.

Perhaps you think you're being kind, encouraging, and comforting in your religious words of "I'll pray for you" and "Here, have some Bible verses".

And I'll say right now, sometimes, when done right, it can be comforting. One night, I was extremely lonely and sad, and a panic attack had come on. It was late, but I wasn't thinking about that when I called one of my brothers.

He was awake. And he sat there on the phone for a while, asking me what was wrong and giving me chances to talk if I could. In the end, he prayed out loud for me, and then read a passage from the Bible. Part of it was no doubt the gentle way he was talking - it soothed my frazzled nerves - but mainly it was comforting because I could hear it, and because he didn't just do that and then say he was going to go to bed. He stayed on the line and talked to me, reassuring me it was going to be okay.

Done in that way, the prayer and Bible verses tactic can be comforting.

But more often than not, a person I confide in will simply tell me after I just poured out my heart to them, "Oh no, I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you." Then they'll send some of the typical Bible verses. And... apparently expecting that to be all the comfort needed, they'll either move on with other topics or decide they have to go do something else more pressing.

That is not comforting. That gives, at least to me, the vibe that you really do not want to talk about what I'm going through. You just want to throw out what is, to you, a fix-all and then move on.

That is not helpful.

Look, when you have a child and they're sick, are you going to kneel by their bedside and say, "All right, Jimmy. I'm going to pray for you, and then read this Bible passage to you." Then you do that and leave, without giving him any of the comforts you typically give a child when they're sick - medications, extra blankets, chicken noodle soup, whatever.

No parent would ever think of doing that. Nor would they think of walking up to a man lying on the sidewalk with a broken leg and saying a prayer over them before walking off.

People need to stop treating mental issues and emotional issues as something you can just 'pray away'. We do not do that with physical ailments; why should you do that with mental and emotional ailments?

There isn't medication you can give to someone over the internet or over the phone that will fix their depression or their anxiety. But there is something you can give, and that is comfort. Real, proper comfort that you pour your heart into and show them you love them.

You need to come to terms with the fact that many depressed people (and I'm talking about Christians here) don't want to hear solely about God. *cue the horrified and outraged gasps*

Yeah, you heard me right. As horrible and terrible as it probably sounds to some of you, a depressed person wants to hear comfort and reassurance from someone tangible. Someone they can hear, touch, and get responses from.

Do you understand how it feels to be completely hopeless and to have given up on the world, and then to go to someone you trust for comfort... only to be turned away with a brief 'I'm praying for you'? That makes a person feel worse.

It makes me frustrated at best when I feel like the world is crashing down around me, and the person I go to for comfort sends me away with an alleged promise to pray and a few Bible verses.

It makes me feel alone. Because when I turn to someone I trust and tell them something as deeply personal as 'I want to die', I need comfort. I don't need them going on and on about 'God' and 'Jesus' and 'Bible' and 'pray'. I need them to reassure me that I'm going to be okay, that they're willing to listen to me vent no matter what, that they love me. I need them to give practical advice.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because it makes me feel like I'm being pushed away like some little child with a 'later, dearie, I'm too busy to listen to you right now'.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because it makes me feel alone.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because it sometimes feels condescending and judgmental - because I'm not a good enough Christian due to the fact I don't place everything in God's hands.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because it makes me feel inferior.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because I gain no comfort from that.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because I have trust issues and I have no idea whether you really will.

"I'll pray for you" by itself doesn't help because I need comfort, reassurance, and advice from someone I can talk to face to face.

It doesn't help by itself. A person comes to you for comfort, not a quick promise they have no certainty you'll keep or not.

The next time someone is upset and comes to you for comfort, try to give them something more than a few overused Bible verses and a promise, unless you know for sure that it helps them. Don't act like you can pray away their problems without doing anything else to help.

Make an effort to show that you truly care about them personally, to invest energy in them instead of passing them off to Someone who can't personally speak to or hug them.

Show them you truly care by investing time in them.

God bless,
Theodora Ashcraft

"You're Going To Go To Hell!"

If you don't stop thinking like that, you're going to go to Hell. I'm sorry. It's just... well, you're wrong. You have to fall to your knees on the floor and beg God to change your mind, because if you don't, you will end up in eternal fire. Repent and be changed. Because as an afterthought, I wouldn't want you to end up burning in Hell, after all.

If I know people like I think I do, then many of them just became quite offended. And many of you also had your curiosity piqued as to why I'm making such a claim to my dear readers.

I'm not. So take a few minutes to calm down, slow your heartbeat, and get rid of the anger.

Calmed down now? Good. I'll get on with the actual point of this blog article now.

I'm sure there are a few of you who caught my sarcasm. But those of you who were offended and took it seriously, or can possibly put yourself in another's shoes - how did that make you feel?

I'm not going to tell you how you feel, but I'll list a few emotions that go through a person's mind when they're told out of the blue from someone they hardly know that they're going to go to Hell for whatever reason if they don't change:

• Resentment.
• Fear.
• Anger.
• Offensement.
• Bitterness.
• Annoyance.
• Shock.
• Hopelessness.
• Disgust with either themselves or the person condemning them.
• Confusion. 

I know that those are all valid and possible emotions, because they're the emotions I've felt - all of them - when people have told me I'm going to go to Hell for feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing, or that I will go to Hell if I commit suicide, or do whatever else.

I rarely felt repentance. I just got a bombardment of negative emotions, towards myself, towards whoever was talking to me, and towards God.

One reason is because that, as always, a person was condemning me without stepping into my shoes, and without showing love, gentleness, and respect. They were most likely in my face, matter-of-fact, blunt, and cold.

If a person is to judge another person, they should do it kindly, right?

Actually, no. A person should not judge at all. At least, not in the sense of what the word means now - the sense of that word now basically means acting superior, telling people point-blank they're going to go to Hell, belittling them because of their feelings/their beliefs/their life in general, and other such things like that.

Lovingly pointing out things that you believe are wrong, and expressing concern over a behaviour that is harmful, is what one should be doing. But I'll go into that in a second.

There are numerous Bible verses that speak out against judging others.

"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

- Matthew 7:1-5 (NASB)

A favourite explanation people like to use is, "Well, it says if you do judge, you will be judged by the same standards."

Don't ask me how that's an explanation against its command not to judge, because I don't know. I don't understand the logic in that explanation.

But they neglect to pay attention to the next verses - the ones about the speck in your brother's eye, and the log in your own ('your' being in the metaphorical sense here).

Sawdust. Or... specks. Heh.

What I'm gathering from that passage - and I specifically said 'what I'm gathering', because I don't claim to know everything and certainly not what Bible passages mean - is that you shouldn't judge at all, because we all have our own problems that we should try to fix, instead of trying to fix everyone else.

Those verses to me are saying three things:

1. Don't judge others.

2. But if you do judge them, expect to be judged in the same way and by the same standards.

3. However, if you decide to judge others, you are a hypocrite for paying attention to their faults rather than your own.

Overall, I still get the 'do not judge others' vibe from this, regardless of the whole thing about the same standards. But let's take a look at another Bible verse on the subject:

"Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?"

- James 4:11-12 (NASB)

That one seems fairly clear to me - there is only one Lawgiver and Judge. And He is not any one of us. So who are we to judge others? 

One more verse before I move on:

"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

- 1 Corinthians 4:5 (NASB)

That one is basically saying not to judge until the Lord returns. Again, fairly clear and there really isn't all that much more I can say on those verses. So I'll move on to talking about just how to point out what someone is doing wrong.

Should we just ignore people who are doing something to harm themselves or others, or doing something that we perceive is wrong? No. But there is a right way and a wrong way to do that.

First of all, let's just halt all notions of waltzing up to complete strangers or acquaintances and telling them that they're sinners, that what they think or beileve is wrong, etc. Even in a loving way. Seriously, just stop. 

Why? Because you haven't even shown them you care about them yet. You have no right to go around telling people you hardly know things like that, because... well, you hardly know them. You have no idea what they're going through, you have no idea what their past is like, you have no idea who they are.

If you're going to go around pointing out what you perceive someone is doing or believing that is wrong, you should only do it with someone you love and care about. And I mean genuinely, not pretending you do just to gain their trust.

Because, if it makes you feel any better about yourself, they'll be more likely to listen to you if you both have a good relationship before you start pointing out wrongdoings.

And also, it's just not generally considered kind or loving to go and point fingers at the beliefs and lives of people you don't know very well, for reasons I've already mentioned.

So how to go about it? Lovingly, gently, and kindly to someone you know well already. And make sure you're not acting like you know everything there is to know ever about the Bible, because let's face the cold, hard truth - you don't. And your denomination of Christianity isn't 'the only right' denomination. So make sure you explain to them why you think something is wrong; don't just tell them that it's wrong because you say so. And again, I cannot stress this enough: be respectful!

Seriously. You don't want to end up like these people. Cruel, hateful, disrespectful - the definition of 'unkind' incarnate, I tell you.

That's how you go about it. Consider this verse:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

- Luke 6:31 (NIV)

If you're going to tell someone that you think what they're doing is wrong, tell them in a way that you would want them to tell you. Which I would imagine means gently and respectfully. 

Now, if someone is doing something that you know is harmful to themselves, you should most certainly tell them it's wrong. But again, don't beat them over the head with a medical guide and go crazy shouting at them that they're hurting themselves and they have to stop. That won't get you anywhere.

Take it the same way as I suggested earlier. Kindly and gently, and informing them what is wrong with their behaviour and why it's harmful; drinking, smoking, etc. 

(Now if you know someone murdering other people or abusing other people physically, thaaat is a whole other kettle of fish that I'm not going into. Obviously, the whole gentle-and-loving approach will most likely not work out with that.)

I think that's all I have to say. I'll leave you with this passage:

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"It keeps no record of wrongs". That's one part of that passage that is key to this article. But the entire thing is relevant - treat others with that sort of love, no matter what. Because that's what one is meant to do - not harshly judging others for differences of opinions.

That's two hearts and a cross in the middle, in case it's hard for anyone to see.

God bless,

Theodora Ashcraft

All God's Creatures

If you have ever owned a pet, you know the feeling when they're alive. They're always there for you, without fail. Dogs, cats, birds, and horses show excitement at seeing you, and want attention as soon as you reach them. Quieter animals such as turtles, fish, and snakes aren't quite as able to show excitement, but they do sit and listen to you if you need to rant to someone - someone who can't talk back, or argue, or hurt (whether intentionally or not).

Sela, my best friend and big sister of eleven years; she passed away in February of 2012.

If there are going to be animals in Heaven (unless someone wants to dispute what this verse is saying?), why should our pets not be there as well? Does it matter whether they have souls or not? I don't think so - because there will clearly be animals in Heaven regardless, according to that verse. Why would God have regular, normal animals in Heaven, but not our pets whom we loved and whom - if He truly does have a hand in everything that happens, as so many people say - He gave us in the first place?

When they pass away it feels like, at the very least, you've lost a friend. With some who have no one else, it's as though they've lost their soulmate, their sister or brother. Before you tell me that's ridiculous, you can just stop. I've experienced it firsthand, as has my mom. We know our emotions, and anyone who tells me that the loss of an animal cannot hurt as much as losing a beloved family member doesn't understand my emotional structure or my mother's.

That said, when such a thing happens, many often wonder - will we see our pets again, in Heaven someday?

I believe we will. I believe they do go to Heaven.

I will be giving a Bible passage or two in order to back up my claims, and discuss each passage accordingly. I hope that it will be an encouragement to those missing the animals they love, and something to think about for people who believe pets will not be in Heaven.

One passage in the Bible is Isaiah 65:25:

The wolf and the lamb will feed together,

    and the lion will eat straw like the ox,

    and dust will be the serpent’s food.

They will neither harm nor destroy

    on all my holy mountain,”

says the Lord. (NASB)

Let's take a look at that verse for a few moments, shall we? There will be animals in the afterlife, whether it's Heaven or the New Earth (or both, if you're one of the people who consider them one and the same; I know some who think of them as different places).

Some people have said to me, "Your pets won't be in Heaven. Jesus did not die for rats, dogs, and other animals; they don't have souls!"

If animals don't have souls, then why do they have to be held to the law that says Jesus needed to die for you? Animals, since they are - as many people like to remind me - 'soulless and not human', should be held to different standards, should they not? Just something to think about. Also, since they cannot know 'what is right', as people say, then they also cannot know 'what is wrong'. Going off of this, I would imagine that this is somewhat (not totally) similar to an infant dying - it is too young to know right from wrong, so it must not be going to Heaven, right? Wrong.

(Please note that I am only comparing the concept of right and wrong between animals and infants, not the presence of a soul, before you rebuke me for comparing humans and animals [which I will continue to do in my own life, but shall keep out of this blog article].)

Another argument people use (though considerably less often) is that God does not love animals, and thus, they will not be in Heaven (or something like that). In response to that, I share this verse - Matthew 10:29:

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. (NASB)

And then there is this verse, Matthew 6:26: 

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (NASB)

From those verses, I basically take away that God clearly cares enough about birds (and most likely other animals) to feed them, and take the time to see when one of them falls to the ground. 

So anyone who says that God doesn't care about animals or love them should re-think that idea. He clearly does care, otherwise He would leave them to die without watching them or feeding them. Not only that, but if He didn't care about them, why would He put them on Earth in the first place? Something to think about.

I have a few more Bible passages to share with you before you go. Take a look at Ecclesiastes 3:19-21:

 For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. 20 All go to the same place. All came from the dust and all return to the dust. 21 Who knows that the breath of man ascends upward and the breath of the beast descends downward to the earth? (NASB)

Looking at those verses, they seem to be telling us that we do not know whether animals will go to Heaven or not. The first part mentions that 'all have the same breath'. According to an article I've read, 'breath of life' has been translated to 'soul' before; just an interesting tidbit. And it says quite clearly - "There is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. All go to the same place."

Is that same place Heaven? Most of my mind believes that it is. Though that is disregarding Hell, so I am still considering the meaning of 'the same place' and whether it means the afterlife in general, Heaven, or just 'the dust'.

In that vein, Revelation 21:5 states:

 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true. (NASB)

"Behold, I am making all things new". All things would also include animals, would it not? I don't see why it wouldn't. What does 'all things' entail, if you believe that animals are not included?

And then there is Romans 8:20-21:

20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. (NASB)

"...that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God." Are animals a part of the creation or aren't they? You can't honestly believe that humans are the only part of Creation - and thus the only things, living or not, who will be set free from corruption.

I do believe that's all I have to say on the matter. I hope I made you think about the subject more than you normally would, whether you believe animals will be in Heaven or not. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them in the comment section below!

Until next time,

Theodora Ashcraft

A Confession

I want to say something before I continue—certain readers, especially those of you who are younger, might do well to proceed with caution. I don’t go into explicit detail about anything, but the following subjects might not be something some people should be reading. If something said starts to make you uncomfortable, definitely stop reading if that is what you think you must do.

~~

It was a fairly ordinary day when it started. I think I had recently turned thirteen. I was browsing YouTube. It started out as an innocent search for something-or-other (I no longer remember what), but the videos in the sidebar, the ones I continued to click on, began to get considerably less innocent.

I kept going. Something was pulling at me; and while a part of me knew that my mom would be very upset if she saw me, another part of me… wanted to keep going. And I did.

At first, it was just YouTube clips and videos. But then it progressed to other websites.  I began actively searching things out, sneaking onto the computer late at night when I wasn’t supposed to, simply so I could proceed with my dealings in secret.

Well, there’s the premise. Here’s the main point of this blog post in one simple statement:

I was, and still am (though to a lesser extent), a porn addict. Another lust-based addiction developed some time after that addiction began.

Those of you who are squeamish probably want to stop reading here. As I said, I don’t go into explicit detail, but I do go into the very basics. 

I regret to inform you that this isn’t a blog article with a happy ending—not yet. I’m still struggling, and I’m still giving in. I haven’t found healing or redemption yet.

That’s not what the point of this blog article is. The point is to confess, because this has been festering inside my mind for nearly four long years. Judge me if you will; and I’m sure some people are going to drop contact with me. But this needs to be put out there, if only because a select few that I can think of deserve to know the truth.

I didn’t tell anyone for two and a half years. The WiFi I used (sneaking onto the neighbour’s) stopped working after about six months, and since the only other internet access was in sight of others during the day, my little secret stopped.

So I had two reasons for not telling anyone—one, I had ‘stopped’ and I wouldn’t ever do it again (or so my childish mind told me), and two… porn addiction was a guy thing. After all, society said so, right? If only guys had this problem, what might happen if I, a girl, were to admit I had the same problem? I thought I must be the only girl in the world like this; something was seriously wrong with me, it had to be!

Well… I did do it again. It started, I believe (I’m not totally certain), right after one of my favourite singers and a friend of mine, George Donaldson, passed away.

You all heard about that somehow, I’m sure (most of you probably heard of it from me). Call me stupid, but the death of that man broke me beyond imagining. My entire life twisted upside-down along with my shattered heart—I became furious with God, and basically defied Him, turned away from Him.

And, I suppose, my subconscious turned back to my poison for solace—porn.

A vicious circle was put into motion. I would spend a few days indulging in my particular poison, and then I would sink into guilt. I would go a short while without looking at any inappropriate images or videos… and then it would start up all over again.

Around this time, another lust-based addiction surfaced. I hate the word, so I won’t use it—but basically, this was an addiction to self-stimulation, because it felt good. Yes, I know. I think it’s disgusting too, but I still do it. It’s a fight to stop at this point.

About a month after George’s death, the guilt and pain got to the point I started to do something I never thought I’d do—cutting.

I never went and I have not gone too deep—my knives are too dull for that. But I have gone deep enough and drawn enough blood to leave scars. I now spend most days, even the hot ones, wearing hoodies or long-sleeved shirts to hide my arms.

Well, at some point—I don’t remember exactly when; the last few months are a bit of a blur—I joined what is essentially an online dating site.

Most, if not all, of you know what roleplaying is; those actions written within asterisks, *like so*. The things I roleplayed while on that dating site started off small, but ended up too hideous for me to put here. The one good thing that came from that is that the guilt and shame I felt after the last roleplay session was so strong, I—with my mentor and my adoptive mama urging me to—left that site.

The viewing of inappropriate content continued, though.

Anyway… I’ve stopped looking at online content. For now. The other addiction of self-gratification continues. Am I trying to stop? Well… I’m trying to avoid the online content altogether. The other addictions (the one I mentioned above, as well as self-harm) will come later. One step at a time.

In case anyone is wondering, no, I haven’t turned back to God yet. I’m confused, and still angry with Him, for various reasons. I’ve tried to go back to Him, I really have—I just can’t yet, I guess.

So… that’s the real me. Or, rather, one aspect of me I hide behind my daily mask. I’m an often-suicidal porn addict with various mental disorders, people. That’s the only way to put it. And I’m the last person most people would have expected to turn out this way. A lot of people call me things like ‘innocent’ or ‘sweet’, or tell me they see the light of Christ in me, or that they’re proud of me.

When I hear that, I want to scream or cry or hurt myself or something. Because nothing is further from the truth. Nothing. Then again, it’s what I wanted people to believe—the mask I wanted them to see as real.

Why did I write this? Because I needed to confess (I’m just now deciding to tell my mom, for goodness’ sake), and besides that, a few people I know who will read this—especially new friends, and old ones who have known me for a long time—deserve to know the truth. And now they do. I’m just… well, like I said above. Just an often-suicidal porn addict with various mental disorders.

I won’t fault anyone if they drop contact with me, so if you feel the need to, or your parents tell you to, then do so. I won’t get upset; I completely understand. And those of you who decide to stay in contact… I will never understand you people, but I can’t say that I’m disappointed that you did decide to stay.

Until next time,

Theodora Ashcraft

Girls Shouldn't Associate With Men

I hope that (rather bland) title caught your attention. I should probably make it clear right here and now that this is not a blog article about that statement; it is about the falseness of that statement.

The fact is, girls cannot do without a godly, older male influence in their lives, any more than a boy can do without a godly, older female influence in their life. I'm sure that most people, at least in the circle of people I know, would be quick to say that boys need to have a mother figure in their lives, as well as a father figure. A 'functional' family typically has two devoted parents - a mother and father - involved in the raising of the children.

So why do so many people I meet think that if a girl finds a father figure in an older man, then some sort of crime is being committed? Girls desperately need an older male to look up to and learn from in their lives (they also need mothers or older females to learn from, don't get me wrong; but I'm focusing on girls and older males in this article). Trust me on this one.

I know firsthand exactly how detrimental it can be to a girl not to have an older Christian male in her life. I'm proof of the trouble it can cause. This is why.

I've been fortunate enough to grow up in a family with a mom, a dad, and a brother (younger by one year), and to have biological family members as well (I'm adopted) that I keep in touch with.

The problem? My dad is a Christian, but can best be described as a 'lukewarm' Christian. Nor does he take much time to spend with me or the rest of the family; he rarely talks or asks to know about how I'm feeling or what I've been doing. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.

If you asked my mom, she would confirm that 95% of my friends (when I was old enough to make friends) were male, and quite a few of them were older than me. I had two reasons for this. When I was younger-ish, I was constantly searching for an older guy to look up to as a father or an older brother. I longed for that older male influence in my life; a godly brother or father figure who would teach me things, spend time with me, protect me.

Well, as I got a little older (around ten years old), I became an avid tomboy. I had a husky voice and a boyish-looking face, so I spent my time dressed in leather, denim, and camouflage, pretending I was a guy.

Why? I'd learned that that was the only way guys would respect and accept me. None of the guys I met had a good attitude towards girls. So I decided to pretend I was a guy so that I'd stop being looked down on. I still longed deep down for an older guy; a big brother or a father figure. But since I kept being looked down and treated as inferior, I developed the only defense mechanism I could think of, and continued my roughhousing and playfighting with a new group of male friends who thought I was a boy.

After I turned fourteen, I was betrayed by one of my closest friends (a guy), and manipulated/betrayed by one of my other friends (a girl). My trust shattered - but I continued and still do continue to gravitate towards guys as friends.

The reason for that is, one - I was betrayed by both a boy and a girl, so I have an equal amount of distrust for both genders. So it was either stop looking for and making friends altogether, or get over the distrust and keep on trying. Two - I continued to long for that older male influence. I spent the larger portion of my life (nine years or so, give or take a few) constantly pining away for an older brother or a father who actually wanted to invest time in me.

There was a point to that entire monologue - I'm trying to make a point.

Do you see how messed-up I was? And I don't just mean the fact I followed most guys I met around, hoping that I'd finally gain someone to look up to. I had other problems as well - I've read in many places and had it said to me before that a girl needs her father to give her talks on things such as modesty, and how to act around other guys, and other such subjects. I didn't have an older guy reassure me everything was going to be okay; I didn't have a father who spent time with me.

My dad never did any of that, and I didn't have an older guy to turn to for advice on subjects like that - just another female (my mom, and even she didn't give me those talks in extent; just passing comments here and there ["Don't wear that" or "You shouldn't do/say that around guys"]), and that's only one side of the discussion. As a result, I was severely lacking in the knowledge of... basic etiquette, I suppose.

(I did, however, finally end up finding an older male [several, now, actually] that I could look up to. And if you ask any of my friends, they will tell you I've changed immensely for the better in the last year or so, which is how long I've had godly men to look up to and learn from. I'm proof that a girl needs an older male to teach her in order to grow to her full potential.)

So, back to the main topic of this post - the myth 'girls shouldn't associate/be friends with men'.

I disagree with that, about as much as anyone can disagree with anything. Why? Because I never had an older man to look up to, and I know exactly how it affected me.

If a girl is isolated from close relationships with older guys, especially if her own father isn't actively involved in her life (or if she's unfortunate enough to not even have a father), she will have problems, just the same as if she was missing a loving mother in her life. She will constantly be on the lookout for opportunities to be friends with guys - often to her own danger later on, if she has no one to protect and look after her in the first place. Younger girls will be confused, wondering various things - "Why does my daddy not spend much time with me?" "Where is my daddy? All the other kids have a daddy."

Yet, people still continue to insist that a girl cannot have any other male to look up to other than older brothers, her father, and her pastor. Even if that girl (like me) has no older brothers, a father who doesn't invest time in her, and/or doesn't go to church too often.

Yes, the world is corrupted. Yes, many men cannot be trusted (if you come to me and tell me men cannot be trusted, don't bother; you're preaching to the choir there). But here's a news flash - many women cannot be trusted either, perhaps for subtler reasons, but they cannot be nonetheless. It's not like men have the monopoly on being untrustworthy. And another news flash - there's nothing we can do about the corruption of the world.

So why not take a leap of faith and let girls who don't have those male influences in their life try to find one who can help her grow in her faith? I'm not saying to just abandon her to her own devices; not at all. Keep an eye on her and supervise; because yes, the world is corrupted, and you can't be too careful. But don't isolate her completely!

Here, take a look at this Bible verse:

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 

- 1 Timothy 5:1-2

I know, it doesn't state explicitly that young women who are much younger than a man should be treated as daughters. But for one, it does say that you should exhort an older man as though he is your father. 

My reason for sharing that verse is this - it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible, and certainly not here, that it is a sin for a girl to treat an older man like a father, and for that man to treat her as a daughter and teach her things that her own biological father is unwilling or unable to teach her. 

And sometimes, a girl doesn't have a biological father willing to do that. So who
can she turn to, if not another father figure?

See, imagine if you lived in a dysfunctional family, with abusive/apathetic parents; or imagine that you live in a family without a father or a mother. Think about how messed-up your life might be. A child needs both their mother and their father - there is no exceptions. (That is also a point for why I'm against gay marriage, but that's a much more controversial topic for a day much further into the future.) A son cannot learn to be the godliest gentleman he can be without a mother or an older female who can treat him like a son and teach him. 

And a daughter cannot learn to be the godliest young lady she can be without a father or father figure to treat her like a daughter and teach her; protect her; comfort her. 

It's hard to grow up without a father to rush to your aid when the nightmares strike, or to investigate the frightening noise in the closet. It's hard to grow up without a father to discipline you, and then remind you afterwards that he still loves you and wants the best for you. It's hard to grow up having to protect yourself - to be forced to learn to fight and look tough - with any means possible (staff, rocks, fists, words, or otherwise) because there is no father or older brother around to protect you. It's hard to grow up without the strong arms of a father to hold you when you cry; to grow up without a warm, deep voice promising to always be there for you and to never let a boy break your heart without severe consequences.

The bottom line is - and take it from someone who has some experience, no matter how meagre - it's hard and oftentimes painful to grow up without a loving father figure to take care of you.

Don't let the corruptness of the world or your own preconceived or biased beliefs keep a girl from finding someone who will treat her like a father. Please, don't. It will cause more harm than good.

Girls shouldn't associate with men? Even if they have broken relationships with their own fathers, or have no father at all?

Wrong. So long as the men are good and seek to emulate Christ in all that they do... girls should most certainly forge friendships (with appropriate supervision, of course) with older men, just as boys should forge friendships with older ladies.

Because there's no getting around the fact - girls of all ages need their daddies. And it's not fair to force them to go through life without that strong, comforting presence. It's just not - trust me on this.