"You're Going To Go To Hell!"

If you don't stop thinking like that, you're going to go to Hell. I'm sorry. It's just... well, you're wrong. You have to fall to your knees on the floor and beg God to change your mind, because if you don't, you will end up in eternal fire. Repent and be changed. Because as an afterthought, I wouldn't want you to end up burning in Hell, after all.

If I know people like I think I do, then many of them just became quite offended. And many of you also had your curiosity piqued as to why I'm making such a claim to my dear readers.

I'm not. So take a few minutes to calm down, slow your heartbeat, and get rid of the anger.

Calmed down now? Good. I'll get on with the actual point of this blog article now.

I'm sure there are a few of you who caught my sarcasm. But those of you who were offended and took it seriously, or can possibly put yourself in another's shoes - how did that make you feel?

I'm not going to tell you how you feel, but I'll list a few emotions that go through a person's mind when they're told out of the blue from someone they hardly know that they're going to go to Hell for whatever reason if they don't change:

• Resentment.
• Fear.
• Anger.
• Offensement.
• Bitterness.
• Annoyance.
• Shock.
• Hopelessness.
• Disgust with either themselves or the person condemning them.
• Confusion. 

I know that those are all valid and possible emotions, because they're the emotions I've felt - all of them - when people have told me I'm going to go to Hell for feeling a certain way or doing a certain thing, or that I will go to Hell if I commit suicide, or do whatever else.

I rarely felt repentance. I just got a bombardment of negative emotions, towards myself, towards whoever was talking to me, and towards God.

One reason is because that, as always, a person was condemning me without stepping into my shoes, and without showing love, gentleness, and respect. They were most likely in my face, matter-of-fact, blunt, and cold.

If a person is to judge another person, they should do it kindly, right?

Actually, no. A person should not judge at all. At least, not in the sense of what the word means now - the sense of that word now basically means acting superior, telling people point-blank they're going to go to Hell, belittling them because of their feelings/their beliefs/their life in general, and other such things like that.

Lovingly pointing out things that you believe are wrong, and expressing concern over a behaviour that is harmful, is what one should be doing. But I'll go into that in a second.

There are numerous Bible verses that speak out against judging others.

"Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

- Matthew 7:1-5 (NASB)

A favourite explanation people like to use is, "Well, it says if you do judge, you will be judged by the same standards."

Don't ask me how that's an explanation against its command not to judge, because I don't know. I don't understand the logic in that explanation.

But they neglect to pay attention to the next verses - the ones about the speck in your brother's eye, and the log in your own ('your' being in the metaphorical sense here).

Sawdust. Or... specks. Heh.

What I'm gathering from that passage - and I specifically said 'what I'm gathering', because I don't claim to know everything and certainly not what Bible passages mean - is that you shouldn't judge at all, because we all have our own problems that we should try to fix, instead of trying to fix everyone else.

Those verses to me are saying three things:

1. Don't judge others.

2. But if you do judge them, expect to be judged in the same way and by the same standards.

3. However, if you decide to judge others, you are a hypocrite for paying attention to their faults rather than your own.

Overall, I still get the 'do not judge others' vibe from this, regardless of the whole thing about the same standards. But let's take a look at another Bible verse on the subject:

"Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?"

- James 4:11-12 (NASB)

That one seems fairly clear to me - there is only one Lawgiver and Judge. And He is not any one of us. So who are we to judge others? 

One more verse before I move on:

"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

- 1 Corinthians 4:5 (NASB)

That one is basically saying not to judge until the Lord returns. Again, fairly clear and there really isn't all that much more I can say on those verses. So I'll move on to talking about just how to point out what someone is doing wrong.

Should we just ignore people who are doing something to harm themselves or others, or doing something that we perceive is wrong? No. But there is a right way and a wrong way to do that.

First of all, let's just halt all notions of waltzing up to complete strangers or acquaintances and telling them that they're sinners, that what they think or beileve is wrong, etc. Even in a loving way. Seriously, just stop. 

Why? Because you haven't even shown them you care about them yet. You have no right to go around telling people you hardly know things like that, because... well, you hardly know them. You have no idea what they're going through, you have no idea what their past is like, you have no idea who they are.

If you're going to go around pointing out what you perceive someone is doing or believing that is wrong, you should only do it with someone you love and care about. And I mean genuinely, not pretending you do just to gain their trust.

Because, if it makes you feel any better about yourself, they'll be more likely to listen to you if you both have a good relationship before you start pointing out wrongdoings.

And also, it's just not generally considered kind or loving to go and point fingers at the beliefs and lives of people you don't know very well, for reasons I've already mentioned.

So how to go about it? Lovingly, gently, and kindly to someone you know well already. And make sure you're not acting like you know everything there is to know ever about the Bible, because let's face the cold, hard truth - you don't. And your denomination of Christianity isn't 'the only right' denomination. So make sure you explain to them why you think something is wrong; don't just tell them that it's wrong because you say so. And again, I cannot stress this enough: be respectful!

Seriously. You don't want to end up like these people. Cruel, hateful, disrespectful - the definition of 'unkind' incarnate, I tell you.

That's how you go about it. Consider this verse:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

- Luke 6:31 (NIV)

If you're going to tell someone that you think what they're doing is wrong, tell them in a way that you would want them to tell you. Which I would imagine means gently and respectfully. 

Now, if someone is doing something that you know is harmful to themselves, you should most certainly tell them it's wrong. But again, don't beat them over the head with a medical guide and go crazy shouting at them that they're hurting themselves and they have to stop. That won't get you anywhere.

Take it the same way as I suggested earlier. Kindly and gently, and informing them what is wrong with their behaviour and why it's harmful; drinking, smoking, etc. 

(Now if you know someone murdering other people or abusing other people physically, thaaat is a whole other kettle of fish that I'm not going into. Obviously, the whole gentle-and-loving approach will most likely not work out with that.)

I think that's all I have to say. I'll leave you with this passage:

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"It keeps no record of wrongs". That's one part of that passage that is key to this article. But the entire thing is relevant - treat others with that sort of love, no matter what. Because that's what one is meant to do - not harshly judging others for differences of opinions.

That's two hearts and a cross in the middle, in case it's hard for anyone to see.

God bless,

Theodora Ashcraft

Physical Touch - The Five Love Languages: Part 1

(Before we start, a big thank-you to my sister Snow for 'donating' the last photograph, and for seeking permission from those involved, so that I could use a 'real-life' picture for an example. <3)

This series of blog articles has been long in coming - I've been planning them out for months, as well as writing and rewriting, then deleting and starting all over again. I don't think I'll ever get them perfect, so what I have come up with shall just have to do.

The next six posts will be on the Five Love Languages. The first five will be in-depth opinions on each of the languages, and the sixth will be a sort of epilogue explaining them as a whole. I will add that I have no particular organization for the posts, so I may address different aspects or opinions for one love language than I do for another - there aren't any bullet-point subjects I'm going to address in every single article.

With that out of the way, let's get started.

~

I'm starting with physical touch because it's my own love language. And it is the most misunderstood among Christians (mainly very conservative ones and/or legalists), I've noticed. Words of affirmation also gets a lot of hate in such circles, but I won't be going into that one today.

The love language of physical touch is basically when you show someone you care about - family member, spouse, friend, acquaintance, a stranger who needs comfort, anyone at all - love and comfort by touching them in some way. This is the description for physical touch from the Five Love Languages website:

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.


I can hear the ones unaccustomed to such a love language exclaiming in wide-eyed horror, "Physical touch?!"

Physical touch doesn't have to be intimate in the way it is between a husband and wife, you know.

Here's a question for all of you. Ignoring the fact this is a drawing and not a real photograph - this depicts Jesus hugging a girl. Christians often talk about Christ 'holding us in His arms'. Does that mean they love each other romantically or are dating? Erm... no.  So why does physical touch = romantic thoughts/intimacy with our brothers and sisters in Christ?

Hugs, holding hands, a pat on the back or shoulder, a handshake that goes on for a few seconds longer than normal, dancing, playing with someone's hair (usually in the case of girls, but it doesn't have to be; close friends can too without a problem), high-fives... the possibilities are endless.

The 'love tank' is a concept talked about often when it comes to the Five Love Languages. In order to completely fill a person's love tank (i.e., make them feel completely loved), you need to at least try to figure out what their primary love languages are and attempt to love them in that way.

If their love language is Words of Affirmation, compliment and encourage them a lot. If their love language is Gifts, try to give them a special gift every so often, even if it's something small. If their love language is Physical Touch, give them more hugs and touch them on the shoulder or what-not more often. They will come away feeling totally and completely loved, whereas if you try to show them love in a different way... well, they'll still feel loved, but not as much as if you had shown them you love them (as a friend or otherwise) in the way their love language calls for.

Me, physical touch is my love language through and through. If you want me to feel safe or comforted or loved, hug me or play with my hair or put an arm around me - stuff like that.

There is one misconception about physical touch that I have heard so often it angers me. Yes, angers me.

And that is the lie that physical touch between anyone but a family member means you love someone romantically, or means you will end up loving them romantically, or means that you and whoever it is are a couple.

THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE. I'm sorry for the caps, but like I said, this infuriates me.



Hugging a friend or a person of the opposite gender frequently or even once doesn't mean you'll all of a sudden, one day, have a burst of fireworks explode over your head, hear an angelic chorus playing in the background, and think, "I am in love with this person, and I am going to date them because I will die without them".

Sorry, but no. That's not true. And by the way, dancing with a person of the opposite gender or holding hands with them won't have the same effect all the time either. Just so you know. Neither do kisses on the cheek or the forehead, believe it or not.

Oh, and treating friends of the same gender in that way does not make you gay. (Not that being gay is a horrible and bad thing either, by the way. It is in no way an insult. Go ahead and send the hate mail at me for saying that now. :P)

One aspect of physical touch beyond people who feel romantically to each other, and beyond friends and family who love each other, is comfort.

Do these two people look like they're in love? They might be, but what does it look like they're doing? To me, it looks like he's comforting her.

Just face the facts, people - physical touch is comforting to most people. Take, for example, this video of me:

(Don't laugh. I know I'm bad at dancing. At that point in my life, I had taken exactly two dancing lessons, and danced with another person exactly once.)

Oh my gosh! I'm dancing with a man who isn't a blood relative! And he's touching me! He has my hand in his, and he had an arm around me, and everything! I must be dating him, and we must love each other, and we must be planning to get married (until we break up in a few months' time and call the wedding off).

No, sorry. He's from Ireland, and I asked him to dance with me so I could get a video of it for my friends. (Not to mention he was a very gentlemanly adult and wouldn't feel romantically towards me in the first place). This was the second time after my camera had blinked out on me the first time and not gotten the video. So I danced with an adult man twice.

I am not in love with him. I didn't feel romantically towards him. I was having fun. 

Now, anyone who knows me well knows one thing - I am easily scared. When I got up in front of all those people to dance, I was surprised (I had thought we would dance in the back of the room) and scared out of my mind.

His touches - not inappropriate, just simply holding my hand and putting an arm around me when we twirled - calmed me down. They comforted me. His hug and the kiss on the cheek at the end helped me to stop shaking. And then when it was my turn to sing karaoke (something I was point-blank terrified about) came around, it was him who stood by my side and reassured me in the same way he did while we were dancing - putting a hand on my shoulder, giving me a hug or two, etc.

Yes, his dance moves got a bit goofy in the beginning. He was a pretty silly and loves-to-make-people-laugh guy. There was nothing inherently wrong with it.

He wasn't being inappropriate. Trust me, he wouldn't have been with dozens of adults, my brother, and my mom standing right in front of him filming. He was just being a friendly guy who was perceptive enough to notice that when he hugged me or patted my shoulder, I stopped shaking. Nothing more, nothing less. He is from Ireland, a place that - from all the Irish people I've met in person - is unafraid of physical touch among friends.

As for me, I never fell in love with him, I never thought he had any ulterior motives, I never wanted to date him - none of those things. I simply was comforted and having fun. All I was thinking was "I've never danced before and he's so friendly, maybe he'll dance with me; it would be a new experience and I'd like to try dancing at least once in my life" and "I told my sisters I'd get a video of me dancing on this trip".

Physical touch is comforting. There is a reason people hug each other and hold each other after a love one dies. There is a reason children cling to their mothers. There is a reason children in orphanages in impoverished areas who don't get touched or held by anyone grow up to have mental and emotional problems. There is a reason friends and family hug one another when they say goodbye.

Physical touch - being hugged, being held, an arm around your shoulder, and all those things - is one of the main ways of showing comfort. The feeling of someone hugging you lets you know that you are not alone and that there is someone who is going to support you - mentally, emotionally, and physically if need be - in your struggles.

We are all family in Christ. Biological brothers hug biological sisters all the time; fathers hug their daughters and mothers hug their sons. Romans 16:16 even states:

"Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you." (NASB)

Now, that probably - judging by how kisses on the cheek are apparently a somewhat common greeting in Italy - means a kiss on the cheek. I'm not telling all of you to greet everyone with a kiss. That is a bit overboard.

What I am saying is that back in the times of Jesus, things like that were normal. Usually between people of the same gender, from what I can tell (but I am not extremely knowledgeable about the Bible yet, so feel free to correct me), but the principal stands, considering so many people can't even hug someone of the same gender without being called 'gay'.

Most Christians are big on the idea that 'we are all brothers and sisters/family in Christ!'. And you know what? I agree.

And it is because I agree that I say we should stop treating each other like strangers and potential wives or husbands, and start treating each other, first and foremost, as siblings. 

Give each other a hug without worrying about what people will think (unless, of course, the person you are thinking of hugging doesn't like hugs; then show respect, as you would to a sibling). Don't be afraid to hold hands with your best friend, whether they're of the opposite gender or not. Hold someone who is crying, whether they're the same gender or not. Comfort each other with hugs when you're sad or hurting or crying because you have to say goodbye to your friends.

Thank you to Sarah Millz for taking this photograph, and to those involved for allowing me to use it!

Just don't be afraid to hug someone because you 'might develop romantic feelings for them'. The world won't end if you do; unless you have no confidence in your ability to handle such things in a mature, kind, and gentlemanly/ladylike way. And if you're afraid of the fact that 'loving someone like that is dangerous and it hurts'... well... all relationships cause pain. Families cause pain, friends cause pain, significant others cause pain.

Love hurts. It wouldn't be true love - Biblical love - if it didn't hurt. If it was completely painless, where would the preciousness in it be? It would not be as special, because there would be no effort needed. No risk. It would show you only care about a person as long as it doesn't hurt you. You don't care enough about them to love them no matter what. Just a thought.

I think that's all for this post. Keep an eye out for the next post in this series - Words of Affirmation.

God bless,

Theodora Ashcraft

All God's Creatures

If you have ever owned a pet, you know the feeling when they're alive. They're always there for you, without fail. Dogs, cats, birds, and horses show excitement at seeing you, and want attention as soon as you reach them. Quieter animals such as turtles, fish, and snakes aren't quite as able to show excitement, but they do sit and listen to you if you need to rant to someone - someone who can't talk back, or argue, or hurt (whether intentionally or not).

Sela, my best friend and big sister of eleven years; she passed away in February of 2012.

If there are going to be animals in Heaven (unless someone wants to dispute what this verse is saying?), why should our pets not be there as well? Does it matter whether they have souls or not? I don't think so - because there will clearly be animals in Heaven regardless, according to that verse. Why would God have regular, normal animals in Heaven, but not our pets whom we loved and whom - if He truly does have a hand in everything that happens, as so many people say - He gave us in the first place?

When they pass away it feels like, at the very least, you've lost a friend. With some who have no one else, it's as though they've lost their soulmate, their sister or brother. Before you tell me that's ridiculous, you can just stop. I've experienced it firsthand, as has my mom. We know our emotions, and anyone who tells me that the loss of an animal cannot hurt as much as losing a beloved family member doesn't understand my emotional structure or my mother's.

That said, when such a thing happens, many often wonder - will we see our pets again, in Heaven someday?

I believe we will. I believe they do go to Heaven.

I will be giving a Bible passage or two in order to back up my claims, and discuss each passage accordingly. I hope that it will be an encouragement to those missing the animals they love, and something to think about for people who believe pets will not be in Heaven.

One passage in the Bible is Isaiah 65:25:

The wolf and the lamb will feed together,

    and the lion will eat straw like the ox,

    and dust will be the serpent’s food.

They will neither harm nor destroy

    on all my holy mountain,”

says the Lord. (NASB)

Let's take a look at that verse for a few moments, shall we? There will be animals in the afterlife, whether it's Heaven or the New Earth (or both, if you're one of the people who consider them one and the same; I know some who think of them as different places).

Some people have said to me, "Your pets won't be in Heaven. Jesus did not die for rats, dogs, and other animals; they don't have souls!"

If animals don't have souls, then why do they have to be held to the law that says Jesus needed to die for you? Animals, since they are - as many people like to remind me - 'soulless and not human', should be held to different standards, should they not? Just something to think about. Also, since they cannot know 'what is right', as people say, then they also cannot know 'what is wrong'. Going off of this, I would imagine that this is somewhat (not totally) similar to an infant dying - it is too young to know right from wrong, so it must not be going to Heaven, right? Wrong.

(Please note that I am only comparing the concept of right and wrong between animals and infants, not the presence of a soul, before you rebuke me for comparing humans and animals [which I will continue to do in my own life, but shall keep out of this blog article].)

Another argument people use (though considerably less often) is that God does not love animals, and thus, they will not be in Heaven (or something like that). In response to that, I share this verse - Matthew 10:29:

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. (NASB)

And then there is this verse, Matthew 6:26: 

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (NASB)

From those verses, I basically take away that God clearly cares enough about birds (and most likely other animals) to feed them, and take the time to see when one of them falls to the ground. 

So anyone who says that God doesn't care about animals or love them should re-think that idea. He clearly does care, otherwise He would leave them to die without watching them or feeding them. Not only that, but if He didn't care about them, why would He put them on Earth in the first place? Something to think about.

I have a few more Bible passages to share with you before you go. Take a look at Ecclesiastes 3:19-21:

 For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. 20 All go to the same place. All came from the dust and all return to the dust. 21 Who knows that the breath of man ascends upward and the breath of the beast descends downward to the earth? (NASB)

Looking at those verses, they seem to be telling us that we do not know whether animals will go to Heaven or not. The first part mentions that 'all have the same breath'. According to an article I've read, 'breath of life' has been translated to 'soul' before; just an interesting tidbit. And it says quite clearly - "There is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. All go to the same place."

Is that same place Heaven? Most of my mind believes that it is. Though that is disregarding Hell, so I am still considering the meaning of 'the same place' and whether it means the afterlife in general, Heaven, or just 'the dust'.

In that vein, Revelation 21:5 states:

 And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true. (NASB)

"Behold, I am making all things new". All things would also include animals, would it not? I don't see why it wouldn't. What does 'all things' entail, if you believe that animals are not included?

And then there is Romans 8:20-21:

20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. (NASB)

"...that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God." Are animals a part of the creation or aren't they? You can't honestly believe that humans are the only part of Creation - and thus the only things, living or not, who will be set free from corruption.

I do believe that's all I have to say on the matter. I hope I made you think about the subject more than you normally would, whether you believe animals will be in Heaven or not. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them in the comment section below!

Until next time,

Theodora Ashcraft

About Me

Lately, there seem to be several people that have problems with me, without bothering to consult me first or come to me with their thoughts, preferring to talk about them to other people. This appears to partially find roots in that people seem to be unclear as to who I really am and what I think.

I need an ‘about me’ page anyway; so here it is. I'm just putting it up as a post for now. This isn’t my past, like the Road To Reality challenges I took part in. This is me, now; who I am—now.

~~

I am a 16-year-old girl from Washington State. I live with my parents and my brother, along with eight cats.

I have been officially diagnosed with depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. After extensive research on Asperger’s Syndrome, I’m fairly certain I could also be on the mild side of the Aspie spectrum, as I have about 90% of the traits I found lists of online.

I am a writer who seeks to glorify her God in everything she writes.

I am Pro-Life. Every human, born or unborn, deserves the chance to live—no matter what.

I am an animal rights activist.

My primary love language is physical touch. If a person wants to show me they love me (as a friend, sister, or otherwise), the main way of doing so is touch. Give me hugs, ruffle my hair, pat me on the shoulder. That is how I will feel most loved, even if it’s only a typed or roleplayed gesture.

(A note. When someone shows me they care about me in this way, I feel happy, safe, and loved. That said, I don't condone physical touch in an impure way. Things like what I mentioned above - hugs and such - are okay, as long as everyone is respecting one another's boundaries and following the standards set forth by the Bible on such things. If one is actively breaking Biblical standards or disrespecting boundaries, then that is absolutely wrong and unacceptable. It's a tricky topic, and one that I plan on talking more in-depth about in a later blog article - what you can take away from here is that by 'physical touch', I mean the kind given only in complete purity and Biblical love towards family-members in Christ.)

My secondary love language is words of affirmation. If I’m doing a good job with something, or you care about me, or anything of the sort—tell me. Let me know what you like about me, what I’ve done right; anything of a kind and encouraging nature.

My personality type wavers between ENFP and INFP depending on my mood.

I love to laugh, and I love to make other people laugh or smile.

I love being given nicknames; every time someone gives me a special nickname, it makes me feel happy and cared about. So do people calling me things like 'dear' and 'sweetheart'. It makes me feel loved.

'Princess' is one of my favourite nicknames; I really appreciate it when people call me that, because it helps remind me that I am a princess; a princess of the King.

I have been betrayed and manipulated many times; as a result, I find it hard sometimes to trust people. Please do not take it personally; just understand that I need some time to work through the doubts still clinging to me from the past. And please be honest; give me a reason to trust you. Show me that I can trust you. “Trust is built after a long time; it can all shatter in a matter of seconds, with one small word or action. It will take even longer to build the trust back up again, if it ever can be built back up again at all.”

I deeply care for my family in Christ, and love them as much as my biological family.

I’m normally a mostly peaceful person who avoids confrontation…

… but if you hurt, insult, attack, slander, or upset one of my friends or family members, I will very rapidly change from the peacekeeper to the warrior. You can do what you like to me, and say what you like to me—I will rarely, if ever, confront you about it, and only go so far as to write a blog post such as this, addressing things in a roundabout manner.

But if I perceive someone as a source of pain towards someone I love, that is something I will not let stand. Nobody hurts my loved ones.

I have limits and breaking points, just the same as anyone else. Yes, I will take any insults, disrespect, or hatred aimed at me for a very long time without much complaint or confrontation. But sooner or later, if it shows no signs of stopping or I have been advised by my mentor or another trusted family member—I will cut the rope tethering me to such things.

I believe in dressing modestly, to glorify God and to help keep my brothers in Christ from stumbling.

I wear a purity ring; this means, quite simply, that I will stay pure until I am married. This also means that I will have certain boundaries I set forth regarding any potential suitor in the future.

If one day God blesses me with the opportunity of marriage, I will only court. For my own safety of heart, body, and soul, I will not engage in casual dating in which the couple is not kept accountable by their family, friends, the church, etc.

If a man decides to pursue me, he will have to go to my parents and ask their permission; after, he will be required to talk it over with my mentor—this is because my father hardly knows me, or what God says on such matters. My mentor (a godly man who strives for Christlikeness in all that he does) knows my struggles, my fears, and my emotions. He can apply Biblical standards where my father cannot. The bottom line is—a man will have to talk it over with my parents and my mentor for permission prior to courtship.

All that to say—I believe in courtship and purity, and I will hold myself to those standards.

I believe in the Word of God, and that His Word is divine.

I believe that Jesus Christ died for all our sins on the Cross.

I believe that God loves us all just the way we are; but that He loves us too much to let us stay that way, and encourages us to strive for Christlikeness.

I believe that I am only a sinner saved by the grace of my Lord. 
~~

If you cannot accept what I just wrote—you cannot and clearly will not accept me. What I wrote above is who I am; if you can’t respect these things, you cannot respect me. I do not ask you to agree with all of my beliefs. I simply ask you to understand that this is who I am, and if you are friends with me, you have to accept that these are my feelings, beliefs, and standards.

The Mistake of Waiting

Rose Tyler and her dad.

Last night (well, really, it’s tonight; I’m writing this at 10pm on the 11^th of January), I watched a Doctor Who episode—called Father’s Day.

I won’t tell you what it’s about other than it’s about a father and his daughter. I will tell you, though, that by the end of the episode, I was out-and-out sobbing. Yes, I think the saddest episode I’ve ever seen of Doctor Who is, hands-down, The Angels Take Manhattan. And I cried pretty hard after that episode too.

But Father’s Day hit me hard, and made me sob; partly because it revolves around a topic close to my heart. Fathers and daughters. And also family.

Once I stopped crying, I lie there in the dark thinking for quite a while. Time-travel… families…

Regrets.

Peter Allen Tyler—Rose Tyler’s father—regretted not being there for her as she grew up. Granted, he couldn’t help it. But he regretted it nonetheless.

That set off a train of thoughts that eventually brought this blog article together.

See… Father’s Day reminded me that you have to spend as much time as possible with those you love. Be kind to them. Because someday, they won’t be here.

And we don’t have time travel to take us back and make things right, or fix them, or console ourselves by seeing our loved ones one last time.

Anyone who knows me well knows what my biggest fear and greatest phobia is. The people I love dying. I’ve spent many nights panicking and crying, because I thought too long about the days when various people I love won’t be here.

When someone I care about dies, what regrets am I going to have? That I didn’t spend enough time with them? That I was unkind to them, or hurt their feelings (whether on purpose or not)?

I have a friend; Marie (whose name has been changed for sake of privacy). She’s been my friend from about 2008, though we don’t talk often anymore. I never got along with her little brother, Jimmy (name also changed). We were just kids, me and her; I was ten when we first met, I believe.

Much as I hate to admit it, I wasn’t very kind to her brother. We teased him, played practical jokes. It never became bullying; but it wasn’t nice, regardless of that.

And you know what?

Jimmy has a brain tumour now. My mom says he probably won’t live for longer than a year or two.

I can’t begin to describe how awful I feel for how I treated him; how much I want to, yes, take a ride in the TARDIS and go back. Go back and be kinder to him. I so deeply regret teasing and pranking him the way I did.

And I can’t even go make amends now, because he and Marie and their family live much farther away. I don’t think we’ll take the trip to their house anytime soon.

Do you understand what I’m saying?

There is no TARDIS we can use to go back and change things. None of us have a DeLorean we can use to fly back in time.

All we have is now. This day, this hour, this moment.

I don’t spend as much time with my dad as I should; hardly any time, really. I don’t help my mom out very often. And let’s not even go into how I react to my brother’s antics 90% of the time (I can say this, I react in a very exasperated and temperamental way).

When… when they’re gone… how am I going to feel?

Will I regret all the times I shouted at my brother? Will I wish I had made more time to spend with Dad, or talk with Mom?

I can say now, I probably will.

And it’s not just family, as my story about Jimmy shows. It’s friends, and friends’ family members. It’s everyone you meet, on every day of your life.

You never know what might happen. You can say that there’s plenty of time… but to be honest… God doesn’t work around your time schedule. If it’s time for someone you know or meet to go Home… it’s time. He won’t wait for you to give Him consent.

When someone you know you won’t see for a long time, such as a friend visiting from afar or a family member moving away… when someone like that hugs you, hold on tight and don’t let them go. Not for a few good, long seconds. Because you never know if that’s the last hug you’ll ever give them here on this earth. Show them that you love them.

I’m pleading with you. The next time you’re about to lose your temper, snap at someone with some sort of insult, hide out in your bedroom, or spend that extra hour and a half playing a game or watching television…

Think twice. Forgive everyone as God forgave you. Be gentle. Show love and compassion. Shut the technology off and spend time with someone. Laugh with them, talk with them.

I’m not trying to order you around. I’m really not. I’m lying here in bed, crying, because how many people must regret all the time wasted and all the chances lost?

Don’t put yourself through that. Live life to the fullest—serving Christ and showing love to everyone you meet.

This is the moment. It’s now. You never know when someone might be called to go Home. So go that extra mile, give that extra hug, and spend that extra time. Create memories that will endure for decades, and leave glows of love and happiness inside of you whenever you find those memories again.

Don’t make the mistake of putting it off until everything is gone, and all you have left are empty wishes, vain hopes, cold regrets, and bitter ‘if-only-I-had’s.

Don’t make the mistake of waiting until it’s too late.

On Anger and Forgiveness

This is a blog post on anger. The beginning is a bit of a personal analogy, but that’s only to give you the background needed so I can use myself as an example. :) Just bear with me through the personal analogy to the main point of the post.

If you had asked me in the past—to be honest, even if you asked me now—if I stood up for what I believed in, I would probably hem-and-haw until finally shrugging. I never was sure if I was brave enough to stand up for who or what I believed in. The only times I ever did stand up for things were actually me throwing tantrums. *sheepish smile* That doesn’t count, obviously.

Well, as of late, one of my big brothers has been teaching me how to stand up for what I believe in, and to speak my mind if I have something I want to say—the two things I have trouble doing.

I still become nervous when a chance comes for me to use my voice and speak up for something, but I’m getting there. I’m learning, and I’m getting better at it.

Recently, I received several chances to stick up for someone I loved; one of my brothers. I was afraid, yes. But the funny thing is, I love my brother too much to hear people spreading rumors about him. So… in a way… my love overrode my fear.

The first chance, I admit… it was the first time I had heard any of these rumors, and instead of standing up and speaking out, I spent a good few hours crying. The sudden onslaught of information I had received, plus certain fears of mine and my unstable emotions, just caused my system to shut down while I found myself being battered in an attack of anxiety and tears.

After getting myself under control though (it took until the next day, to be honest), I instigated the second chance myself and messaged the person who had been spreading rumors to me the day before. I wasn’t as outspoken as I could or should have been; but I told her exactly where I stood and made it clear I didn’t believe a word of anything she had told me.

That was the first time in a long while I have stood up for anything.

The third chance came around, and this time I held nothing back. I forced myself to stay polite, but I challenged this young woman’s statements, told her exactly what I thought and believed, and questioned her.

During that chat, I was scared, yes. But then… after the conversation ended, I realized I felt sort of… relieved, in a way. A bit happy, as it were. I think the reason for that is because I had found the courage to speak my mind, yes—but I also think part of the reason was because I had defended the integrity of someone I cared about.

*smiles a little* There’s nothing quite like it, I don’t think; the feeling you get when you defend a family member or a friend, because you care about them so deeply. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling; just that it’s nice.

Now… that was not the main point of this post. See, I just said all of that to give you a background to go on so I could use myself as an example. The entire thing about me standing up for what I believe in I used because that’s often the only time I find myself getting angry; when defending someone else. Anyway, the main point I was getting at is this:

Yes, it is good to stand up for what you believe in. Yes, it is good to speak your mind. And yes, it is even good to have your own opinions. But you cannot let anger or bitterness catch hold of you when you do or think those things.

I say this because I’m receiving those feelings as well right now. Even now; a good month after the last conversation I had. *wry smile* See, during that third and final confrontation… not only was I slightly scared, I was also angry.

In my head, even now, there’s this nagging feeling of indignance (why is spellcheck telling me that’s not a word? I thought it was…). And I realized that while going through old chat logs yesterday afternoon.

I’m still kind of angry with this person; and it gets worse when I think of all the dreadful claims they make about my brother.

See… I’m struggling to keep the anger down, and keep from messaging this person to confront them again. Because, for one, I’ve already said all that needs saying. Messaging them would serve no purpose but to give me the chance to vent out my anger.

That’s not right. And that’s what I’m trying to explain to you.

Sometimes, a little bit of righteous anger can help you stand strong when you tell someone what you believe in or stand for. But when you’re still bitter and angry about something—anything—weeks after things have settled down… you need to sit yourself down, read your Bible, pray, and have a good think about the situation (as in carefully considering every aspect of it; not dwelling on and mulling over everything that made you angry).

That’s something I plan on doing myself. And I encourage anyone who feels similarly to me to do the same.

The Bible has quite a bit to say about anger, but three verses stood out to me. I’ll comment on them each in turn. The first one was this:

Ephesians 4:26-27 – ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

It’s clearly stating that you should not let anger make its home in your heart; if you do, you’re giving the devil more of an opportunity to make you stumble and—in extreme cases—fall. It’s a good principle to keep to—do not let the sun go down before you have made amends and banished the anger from your heart.

Ephesians 4:31-32 – Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.

I seem to come back to this verse quite often recently, and with good reason. It’s true, and a very good reminder. You need to get rid of your bitterness and anger, and forgive your enemies; or, those who made you angry in the first place.

Yes, I know it’s hard. I’m still struggling with it myself, remember? But what you need to do is pray—pray for Christ to help you forgive as he forgave.

There was a story I read in my high school curriculum yesterday about Corrie Ten Boom, a Jew who survived being a prisoner in a concentration camp.

She was in a church and speaking a message to the congregation. It ended, and on her way out, a German man walked up to her—and she realized he had been one of the guards from the camp. All sorts of bad and painful memories came rushing back to her.

He told her, “How grateful I am for your message. Fraulein." he said. "To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” Then he held his hand out to her, so that she could shake it.

She froze. And then she realized she couldn’t bring herself to shake his hand. She felt bitterness and anger and vengefulness towards him, and couldn’t let go of those feelings. Here, let me quote what I read in my curriculum:

“And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me, and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”

Amazing!

See? It’s hard. And how much harder must it have been for her to forgive someone who had more than likely caused her and her loved ones so much pain! But with God’s strength, she forgave him, and even felt love towards him.

Pray. It is the most effective weapon you have against every problem in your life.

One last verse before I wrap up this blog post:

James 1:19-20 – My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

This one is simple—it tells Christians to listen, think before they speak, and to keep from being angry. And how true it is that man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life God wants from us!

Think about it. What is this anger going to solve? All it will do is eat away at your soul, and eventually cause you to sin. You may speak angrily to the person you’re upset with—and in turn, they’ll most likely become angry with you. Proverbs, chapter fifteen and verse one says, ‘a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’. How true this is.

You will speak with anger, and then they will do the same. It will be a neverending cycle of hatred, bitterness, and pain unless both of you can forgive the other.

So, in closing, let me ask you—do you have anyone you’re angry with? That you have unsolved bitterness towards? Think hard before you give a sure answer… and then pray for the strength to forgive that person. It will make you feel so much better, I promise you.

God bless.

~ Theodora Ashcraft

Home

It is possible to be homesick for a place you have never seen or been to. I know this because I have felt it. I've been homesick for Ireland, for Australia, for so many countries and states. But most of all, I've been homesick for the Shire.

For Rivendell.

When life slows down enough for me to collect my thoughts, I often find myself wishing I could live in the Shire, or in Rivendell. I feel a longing, deep in my heart, to go to one or both of these places and never to leave. To spend my life there.

Some would say I'm an absolutely crazy fanatic who obsesses over fantasy. Maybe I am... but that doesn't change the fact that I feel homesick for these places I have never been.

But... am I - indeed, is anyone - homesick for these places, really and truly?

Or are we homesick for what they represent?

To me, the Shire and Rivendell symbolize beauty, peace, hope, light, and happiness.

The friendly, one-big-happy-family atmosphere of the Shire; where everyone knows everyone, and everybody helps one another. All the Hobbits seem so oblivious to things like pain and darkness. Everything is light and happy and warm.

The serenity and safety of Rivendell; the Elves, who can be ever so gentle, but fiercely loyal when the need arises. The quietness, and the feeling of never having to face danger or pain ever again.

And yet... maybe we're not quite homesick for the places themselves.

Maybe we're longing for the peace, beauty, and happiness that these places bring. The happiness, the warmth, the serenity, the gentleness.

Sometimes, I find myself sad. The realization strikes me that these places aren't real. The Shire and Rivendell can only be visited in one's imagination. Even if it was a set from one of the movies that you visited, it wouldn't be the same thing. The feeling of longing and sadness deepens as I tell myself that there is nowhere on Earth like the Shire or Rivendell; nowhere that peace and total happiness can be found.

Yet... lately, I've been thinking. Yes, that's right - nowhere on Earth can be as beautiful as the Shire or Rivendell.

The key words there are 'on Earth'.

Our world is broken, our world is fallen, our world is dark. Yes, there are places with light - as Sam says, "There's some good in this world... and it's worth fighting for."

But nowhere here on this planet will ever be a place of peace.

Not here.

But when our Father takes us Home, we'll be in a place more beautiful than we've ever dreamed - a place more wonderful than we ever imagined the Shire and Rivendell would be. And while even places like Rivendell and the Shire must fall and vanish someday... we will be able to spend eternity in Heaven, at complete peace, with our Father.

We won't have to hurt anymore. We won't have to be afraid. We won't cry. Broken hearts will heal, scars will disappear, and we will be filled with total peace and happiness.

Forever.

There's nothing wrong with being homesick. Just take heart in the fact that one day... one day, we will be Home with our Father.

“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tower high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”  - J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King"

God bless.

~ Theodora Ashcraft

The Hardest Thing To Give Away

"It's the hardest thing to give away

The last thing on your mind today

It always goes to those who don't deserve..."

What is that scrap of song lyrics referring to? The answer is in the title of the song.

Forgiveness, by Matthew West. (For those of you who want to hear the song, I’ll be attaching a video to the end of this post.)

Forgiveness just might be the hardest thing to take to heart. Let's be honest with ourselves here - if you've been hurt, the last thing you want to do is forgive the person. No, it's more likely you want revenge. Or, at the very least, you want them to understand that they hurt you; you want them to apologize and, if they can, try to heal, fix, or compensate you for what they did/said wrong.

As the lyrics say, it's the hardest thing to give. Some would say that it’s easier to cut off a finger or an arm than it is to forgive someone who hurt them. Forgiveness is the last thing on anyone’s mind, especially when your mind is saying, “But they don’t deserve it!”

Consider Colossians, chapter three, verses twelve through fourteen:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

   – Colossians 3:12-14

God makes it quite clear that He expects us to forgive those who hurt us. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

We did not and do not deserve forgiveness. No one – no one – will ever sin against us as much as we have sinned against God. If He has forgiven you, and canceled the enormous debt you owe, shouldn't you forgive the smaller debt of someone who has offended you?

"Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness..."

If we pray, we can – with God's help –  learn to give others what He gave to us. We can't do it on our own; I don't claim to be saying that. But we can with our Heavenly Father's help. We can learn to love the unlovable, reach the unreachable, and do the impossible.

There is another aspect I want to discuss; it is embodied in this particular scrap of lyrics:

"It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word..."

I know it hurts. I know it's hard. When someone concocts and spreads lies about you, it hurts. When someone you thought was your friend suddenly stops speaking to you, it hurts. And sometimes, it seems like the only course of action is to stay angry, and to hold a grudge against them for a very long time.

Forgiving and loving the people that hurt you is probably one of the hardest things to bring yourself to do. After all, the natural response is to become angry. To feel indignant, hurt, and betrayed. Many people never manage to forgive those who hurt them, and at first, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

"It flies in the face of all your pride

It moves away the mad inside

It's always anger's own worst enemy

Even when the jury and the judge

Say you gotta right to hold a grudge

It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'..."

Many, many people will tell you that you have the right to hold a grudge, and that you deserve some sort of compensation for the pain you've been caused. Believe me, I know - I've been on both sides of that equation before, both the person who has been hurt and the person saying you have every right to hold a grudge.

It's no surprise then that a lot of people consider the if-they-won't-apologize-then-I'll-find-some-way-to-get-back-at-them or the I-will-never-acknowledge-your-existence-ever-again mentalities to be perfectly acceptable when dealing with someone who hurt you.

You can claim to others that you're 'over that one incident' and that you're not angry anymore. In reality... you probably are not over it, and there is a good chance you never will be.

Oftentimes, the inability to forgive has less to do with the hurt you feel and more to do with your pride. Let's face it. Telling someone, "I forgive you" is very similar (in our minds, at least) to saying, "You were right, you win!" And that's a tough thing to say, or, in this case, think you're saying. No one likes to admit that they are wrong. No one likes to admit defeat.

But forgiveness is not defeat. Far from it.

"It'll clear the bitterness away

It can even set a prisoner free

There is no end to what its power can do

So, let it go and be amazed

By what you see through eyes of grace

The prisoner that it really frees is you..."

I think that is my favorite verse from that song. It is so true. At first, you might feel annoyed, or even ashamed, by telling someone you forgive them. "This means I've lost," a voice might say inside your head. "This means I've been defeated. They'll be gloating over this for years!"

That's not true. And even if they are 'gloating' over it for the rest of your life, who cares?

Look at it this way. If you keep holding a grudge, and let the pain, the anger, and the feelings of betrayal fester... in the long run, it will hurt you even more. You lock yourself into a prison of bitterness. Trust me, I know; I've found myself inside of that prison, battling with the feelings of anger and betrayal, more times than I wish to count. Bitterness, as Danae Dobson once said, is like a cancer, eating away at our soul. The result is pure misery.

But when you wholeheartedly forgive those people, and tell them so, you are set free from that prison of bitterness! And while you may feel ashamed for a while. But in the end, you will feel much better - free from the burden of hate that you carried. It truly will set you free.