As I write this, I am lying wide awake in my bedroom at night. I might as well do something useful with this time, since I'm certainly not going to be sleeping.
After several weeks of trying to figure out what in the world I could write blog posts on, I decided to look in my collection of quotes.
I won't be doing this all the time; just when I'm extremely stumped on what to write, and I haven't posted in a while.
The quote I chose is one I've been dwelling on for quite a while: Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself. - John Macnaughton
For someone like me, who wholeheartedly considers her friends as extensions of her family, the quote held some meaning to it, and I found myself thinking deeply about it, whenever I got the chance.
Obviously, I'm not going to say that it's totally true. While being concerned and worried for your friends is good to some extent, you can't completely neglect yourself. You have to have a healthy amount of concern for your own needs as well. That's something that, I admit, I'm not much good at yet. That doesn't mean it's right though.
Of course, then there is the Bible verse: John 15:13 - There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.I started pondering that verse at about the same time I discovered the first quote I mentioned above.
I think it bears saying that, while I was thinking on these words, my friends were going through some really hard times. I was worrying about them, and wishing I could do something--anything--to help.
And on one of my sleepless nights, I found myself asking the question: How far would I go to help my friends? What would I do to make their lives easier?This is a question you have to think considerably on and pray about if you're going to answer with complete honesty. So that's what I did, for about a week. I prayed, and I thought.
The answer came to me late one night. I was in that strange state where you're not quite awake, but you're not quite asleep either.
I don't remember how it came to me, but it did all the same. That night, I felt able to answer my question honestly. Having a phobia of death and dying, I'm horried at any thoughts of my friends dying, or myself dying. So I don't know whether I would be able to lay down my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, every one of them. They're my brothers and sisters in Christ.
But I have the feeling that if it came down to it, I would be too afraid to make the ultimate sacrifice. And I would hate myself foreverafter for it, but there would be no going back.
Despite that, there is one thing I would do. If I could take my friends' pain on myself, I believe in my heart that I would do it. I'm not going to go into details, but that is a lot of suffering and anguish right there.
And yet... as I lie half-awake in my room, I felt I could answer with complete truthfulness, that if I was able to take their pain, I would do it.
I mean, it would hurt, I know that. But I believe it would be so worth it in the end; to be able to see the people I love smile, to hear them laugh and know that they can finally be somewhat peaceful.
Of course, I know that this is only true because I've been blessed to have such amazing friends. Ones I can count on, and ones that I love like siblings. If I had 'disposable friends' like my brother does, ones who don't really care and only talk to you when they feel like it, my answer of what I would do for them would probably be drastically different.
I know a few people who, if they read this, would put it off as me being melodramatic. "You're not serious, quit trying to get attention!"
I'm going to make it quite clear right now that that is not my intention. I am being entirely truthful here. I always am with subjects as serious as this. And if you still think I'm being melodramatic, then maybe you should stop reading this blog and go elsewhere.
As I close this, I think you should ask yourself the question I asked myself. It really requires you to do some deep thinking, and to be completely honest with yourself. And if you were my brother, you might find that the people you call 'friends' aren't really true friends at all.